Embracing Change
The Harpers Make Each Day Count
Deidra Bowling-Meade
The Ashland Beacon
Most days were spent working–the wife an RN, the husband a pipe welder. They loved spending time together as a family. The loving couple with their adorable 18-month-old son were enjoying a beautiful spring day. The wife was fixing dinner for the family while the father and son took a ride on the four-wheeler. Meet Cale, Becca, and Rowe Harper, whose lives changed forever on May 6, 2021.
Becca described Cale as having “an amazing sense of humor and always quick to crack a joke. He loved fishing, hunting, or anything that had to do with the outdoors. He could fix anything and was the go-to person in the family to do any handyman work.” The Cale she knew was gone that spring day. Becca recalled the tragedy, “I found the four-wheeler on top of my then 18-month-old, Rowe, and Cale was face down on the road unresponsive. Cale had an obvious head injury and was bleeding. They were both life-flighted to Cabell from Greenup to receive trauma treatment. Rowe was taken to emergent surgery to suture up his head and clean it out. He was in the hospital for two days and was lucky enough to not have any kind of head injury other than cosmetic. Cale was unresponsive. His prognosis was poor, and I was prepared for the worst by doctors on his treatment team. Cale was diagnosed with a subdural hematoma (brain bleed) and a traumatic brain injury. He was rushed for an emergent craniotomy where they removed part of his skull to help the brain have room to swell.”
Becca made posts on Facebook pleading with the community to pray for Cale. She could be seen holding Cale’s hand and praying over him for God’s will to be done and Cale to be healed. Each day brought different fears, doubts, and heartaches. Becca continued to have faith.
“If I were not there to advocate for Cale while he was in the hospital, I do not think he would be doing as well as he is now. The doctors did not think I was being reasonable, and they thought Cale was going to die. I pushed for Cale. Not everyone has the medical background I do, and they do not know what to ask for. My advice to you is to find someone who does have that background and ask for their impartial advice. Don’t take no for an answer if you aren’t comfortable, and do not let the doctors bully you into making a decision you are not comfortable with.”
Becca described the days that followed the accident: “Cale was in the ICU for 30 days where he was on a ventilator and eventually a tracheostomy to help prevent pneumonia. He was fed through a PEG tube and was kept sedated until day 21 when he eventually was weaned off the sedation and given a chance to wake up. He started to respond to commands and was taken off the ventilator. On day 30, the skull was put back and Cale was moved to a regular med-surg floor. We waited another 30 days until he was eventually accepted at Shirley Ryan Ability Lab in Chicago for inpatient neuro rehab. He was there for over two months getting aggressive treatment to try and help him be as independent as possible at home.”
The Harper family had to embrace a whole new lifestyle. Their life could never go back to the way it was prior to the accident; however, it didn’t mean that they had to quit living. Having a support system to encourage and help also made the situation more manageable.
Becca commented, “I have a lot of family and friends who go above and beyond the call of duty to help me. We moved in with my mom, and she helps me a ton raising my son and with Cale while I work. I also have an in-home sitter named Jessi who was sent to us by God himself. She loves Cale and takes him to therapy appointments when I work and takes care of Rowe while my mom and I are at work. The outpouring of love I received from the community when the accident happened is unexplainable. You do not understand how good complete strangers are until something unfathomable happens to you or your family. The people in our small town are good, and they are going to be there when help is needed, I can promise you that.”
Becca and her family learned so much about traumatic brain injuries from the experience. Becca explained, “First and foremost, I learned that the brain is an amazing thing, and no doctor or specialist can tell you what is going to happen 100% for certain when your loved one suffers from this injury. Cale’s injury was severe. I was told he would probably never walk, talk, or live a normal life. I was told by doctors that he would most likely live in a long-term nursing home on a ventilator. Obviously, that is not how his story turned out. I think the most important thing is for people to start asking questions if they have them. People with TBIs are everywhere even if you cannot physically see them. Cale looks normal but if you had a conversation with him, you would soon realize something is a little “off” and that’s okay. He’s not dangerous. He is loving and kind. His memory just isn’t all there. Cale is doing everything that I was told he would probably never do.”
Cale’s story is a miracle! He is doing well physically. He can walk, talk, eat, and do his own basic care. He does struggle with short-term memory, but that is getting better. Cale still cannot be left alone due to his impulse issues and memory. He goes to outpatient therapy a couple of times a week where they work on his memory and his right hand, which is weak due to nerve damage caused by the wreck. Becca sees glimpses of the “old Cale” as he continues to be happy and jokes with everyone. Cale also loves his son Rowe; they are best friends. The accident didn’t ruin their relationship and love as a family.
Becca is an advocate for traumatic brain injuries and wants to encourage the community to learn more: “Do not judge a book by its cover and ask questions. A traumatic brain injury does not have to be a death sentence. I don’t know if my husband will ever be the same as he was before the accident, but we are adapting to a new normal and he deserves love and acceptance just as everyone else does. I encourage you to do your own research on TBIs. You may be surprised at what these people had to go through just to stay alive and live normally.”
We honor the Harper family this March for Brain Injury Awareness Month. Your family is an inspiration as you continue to embrace change and make each day count. Thank you for sharing your story.
