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So That Others May Be ComfortedAshland Mother Leads Child Loss Support Group

So That Others May Be Comforted

Ashland Mother Leads Child Loss Support Group

Brandy York

The Ashland Beacon


“He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled,

we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

 – 2 Corinthians 1:4, NLT.



People often say it’s not the natural order for a parent to bury a child. Tragically, many parents have faced this unimaginable reality. Children and grandchildren of all ages have been laid to rest, leaving parents and grandparents to grapple with heartache. Brenda Roberts, a mother from Ashland, is one of those parents. In November 2015, she said goodbye to her 35-year-old son, Philip.

For more than a year after his passing, Brenda felt a strong calling from God to create a space where those who have experienced the loss of a child or grandchild could come together. She envisioned a group where they could share their grief and coping mechanisms, helping one another navigate the overwhelming pain and provide comfort. Sadly, her close friend also lost her son in 2018. At his memorial service, God’s call to create the support group was reaffirmed. Though Brenda still carried the weight of her own grief and had no experience in leading groups for adults – having spent thirty-two years working with preschool and kindergarten-aged children – she prayed for guidance. “You’re going to have to help me because I don’t know where to start,” she prayed.

Feeling continually urged by God; Brenda trusted that He equips those He calls. She began organizing the support group that would become Loving Arms, a ministry dedicated to those grieving the loss of a child or grandchild, regardless of age or cause. Whether through stillbirths, accidents, addiction, cancer, illness, medical errors, murder, or suicide, Brenda emphasized, “No matter what, you’ve lost your child … we do not compare grief in our group.”

Brenda took the leap and started building the group. Her home church, CornerStone Methodist (formerly South Ashland Methodist), became the foundation for the physical space. She approached her pastor, sharing the vision God had placed on her heart. He supported the idea and promised that both he and the congregation would be there to help in any way they could. They started with only a small group, but thanks to a local newscast and an article in this very newspaper, word of the group spread, and more bereaved parents and grandparents began to attend. Brenda explained that while the ministry was God-led and supported by the Methodist Church, it is open to all and nondenominational. It attracts people from different faiths and backgrounds, with some attendees not even regularly attending church. All beliefs are welcomed with open arms. Informational pamphlets are available throughout the community, including in hospitals, funeral homes, and doctors' offices.

The group meets on the fourth Tuesday of every month. The gathering begins with a meal provided by the church, followed by a time for people to share what’s on their hearts with others who understand their grief. “It just helps us sometimes to get in there and talk about what’s going on, you know, what some of our struggles are, how we’re just getting through,” Brenda shared. While professional counseling is valuable, she believes there’s something uniquely healing about connecting with others who have walked the same painful path. “I don’t proclaim to be a counselor, but I do proclaim to be God-led, and He has just really led our group,” she said.

Brenda explained that grief is experienced in various stages, each unique to the individual. People might experience all seven stages in one day or remain stuck in one stage for an extended period of time. “Like ocean waves, it (grief) comes and goes,” Brenda explained. The group is diverse in terms of where members are in their grieving process. While some attend soon after their loss, others may wait a year or longer before feeling ready to join. One member described the group as a “safe place,” where no one feels pressured to speak if they don’t want to. Attendees are welcome to share their experiences, but it is never required.

Brenda describes herself as the facilitator of the group, though it is peer-led. She often brings questions or topics for discussion, along with healing materials such as poems or devotions. “We just want people to feel comfortable with coming,” she said, adding that all conversations and personal details shared in the group are kept confidential. She emphasizes that each person’s grief journey is theirs to share when they’re ready. The group also provides an opportunity to keep the memory of their lost child or grandchild alive by sharing stories and reminiscing about their lives.

In the midst of their grief, many parents and grandparents encounter well-meaning friends and loved ones who say things like, “You’ll get over it,” or “You have another child,” or even avoid mentioning the child who has passed, fearing it will upset the parent or grandparent. In reality, such statements can deepen the pain. For those grieving, their child remains a part of them – worthy of remembrance in whatever way brings comfort.

The group has become like a family, with events such as holiday potlucks and the making of Christmas ornaments to honor their children and grandchildren. On February 25, the group will host a special uplifting night of remembrance, starting with appetizers and filled with joy. While regular meetings can sometimes feel heavy, Brenda said, “I want everybody to smile. I want everybody to give a memorial to their child; a chance to highlight the things that they enjoyed in life or didn’t like, share a funny story, and maybe make people laugh during the evening.”

Brenda welcomes anyone who needs support or simply someone to talk to. “We are just trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense,” she said. Grief can be suffocating, but when we connect with others who have walked the same path, it reminds us that it’s possible to keep breathing, even in the darkest moments.

While the loss of a child is a “club” no one wishes to join, it’s a comfort to know that there is a support group like Loving Arms right here in Ashland, ready to embrace those navigating the difficult road of grief. The group meets every fourth Tuesday at 6 p.m. at The Lighthouse of CornerStone Methodist Church, located at 2153 29th Street in Ashland, next door to the church. For more information or to talk with Brenda, please contact her at 606.571.1975.

 

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The Ashland Beacon’s owners, Philip and Lora Stewart, Kimberly Smith, and Jason Smith, established The Greater Ashland Beacon in 2011 and over the years the Beacon has grown into what you see now… a feel-good, weekly newspaper that brings high quality news about local events, youth sports, and inspiring people that are important to you. The Greater Ashland Beacon prides itself in maintaining a close relationship with the community and love nothing more than to see businesses, youth, and civic organizations in the surrounding areas of Boyd and Greenup counties thrive. 

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