Straight Paths- He Loves Me

He Loves Me

Loren Hardin

     Vannen enrolled in hospice services at age seventy-three with end-stage Parkinson’s disease. Vannen was a master mechanic and taught automotive technology at the Pike County and Pickaway-Ross vocational schools. According to Vannen’s wife, Eleanor, “Vannen could fix anything”.  

     Even though Vannen was physically and mentally enshrouded by his illness, his personality and sense of humor still shined through.  Eleanor recounted, “Vannen’s caregiver brought Vannen two chicken drumsticks one day.  After Vannen ate them, his caregiver told him, ‘I should have brought you another one.’ Vannen smiled and told her, ‘I never saw a three-legged chicken before.’”  Eleanor recounted another occasion when Vannen was alone in his bedroom. Eleanor heard him having a conversation with someone so she went into the bedroom and asked Vannen, “Are you talking to me?” And Vannen replied, ‘No, but you can join in if you want to.’ Eleanor added, “It’s funny but it’s not funny.”

     Eleanor asked, “Do you want to see our pond?” Along the way Eleanor stopped by the garage and scooped up some fish pellets. I followed her along a path of embedded concrete blocks through a field behind their house. The path led to a small wooden dock with a leaning rail overlooking the pond. Eleanor broadcasted the pellets into the water and several large orange, yellow and multicolored fish rolled to the surface to feed. They were accompanied by a solitary turtle, a large catfish, and several bluegills.  Eleanor explained, “Those orange and yellow ones are Japanese Koi. They are my favorites.”

     The Japanese word for koi is a homophone for a word meaning “affection’ or “love”, and in many cultures koi are symbols of love and friendship. Koi are also renowned for their ability to swim against strong currents and up waterfalls, therefore they have become symbols for overcoming adversity and achieving success through determination, of confronting hardships with grace and resilience. It’s easy to see why koi are Eleanor’s favorites.

    On the way back to the house, I asked Eleanor, “Who laid all these concrete blocks?” I commented on what a monumental task it must have been to embed so many blocks, 424 to be exact, I counted. Eleanor explained, “Several years ago I had a bad ankle, and I couldn’t walk on uneven ground.  So Vannen laid all these blocks so I could still get to the pond. If he hadn’t, we wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the pond together. He loves me.”  It’s also easy to see why Vannen is Eleanor’s favorite.

   The best operational definition of love I’ve read was by Charles Finney in his book, “The Principles of Love”.  Finney describes love as volitional, a choice. Secondly, he describes love as intentional. Love cares enough to explore and understand what brings another joy and what brings them pain. Thirdly, Finney describes love as benevolent or “good willing”. It is dedicated to the highest good of another, without regard to personal satisfaction, with no strings attached.  

     I’m reminded of a story I heard about a Rabbi and a young man. The Rabbi, as was the custom, taught his disciples as they walked along their way. A young man, watching daily from a distance daily, grew fond of the teacher. Mustering up the courage, the young man, approached the Rabbi and told him, “Rabbi, I’ve watched you from a distance and I’ve grown to love and respect you and I’d like to become one of your disciples.”  The Rabbi asked the young man, “Do you know what brings me joy?”  The young man answered, “No”.  Then the Rabbi asked, “Do you know what brings me pain?” Again, the young man answered, “No”. Then the rabbi asked him, “Then how can you say you love me?”

    “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down his life for his friends,” (John 15:12-17).

    “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life,” (John 3:16).

     Loren Hardin was a social worker with SOMC-Hospice for twenty-nine years. He can be reached at 740-357-6091 or at lorenhardin53@gmail.com. You can order Loren's book, "Straight Paths: Insights for living from those who have finished the course", at Amazon.