Read Me a Bedtime Story
Turk and Pork Chop 9: Island Escape
By Jonathan Joy
The Ashland Beacon
Turk is a turkey. Pork chop, a pig. Their Thanksgiving adventures have been documented in this column every year since 2016.
Since November is such a tumultuous time of year for everyone’s favorite turkey and pig, they decided to get out of town for Thanksgiving 2024.
"How about this place?" Pork Chop recommended, excitedly, plopping down a travel brochure in front of his best friend Turk.
"Vegan Beach! Sounds like a safe place for a turkey and a pig to spend the most dangerous week of the year." Turk replied. It was settled. Destination: Vegan Beach.
Their days were spent relaxing on the sand, surfing the most radical waves, and splashing in the hotel pool. By night they experienced entertainment in nearby theatres and took long strolls on the boardwalk. One day, halfway through the week, they even signed up for an excursion. "What's an excursion?" Pork Chop asked.
"It's a short journey away from the leisurely activity one is already enjoying." Turk replied.
"A vacation from the vacation?" Pork Chop was confused.
"In a way." Turk replied. "It will be fun. I promise." Turk took little time to read the fine print regarding this excursion. He just signed up himself and his friend, confident that a fun time would be had by all.
The following day's excursion took the pair, along with a dozen other holiday tourists, to the nearby Island of Flames.
"Don't worry." The excursion captain explained. "It was given that name by pirates many years ago to scare people off. That volcano hasn't been active for decades."
"Volcano!?" Turk and Pork Chop said, in unison.
The pair spent the day exploring the jungle, caves, volcano, and pirate history of the Island of Flames. It was all quite fascinating.
By five o’ clock they were set to meet back up with the other tourists and sail back to the Vegan Beach resort. Only when they arrived at the meet up spot, everyone had already left them behind.
Turk panicked. “We’re stuck. On the Island of Flames.” The earth below their feet rumbled. “I’m sure that’s nothing…everything is fine.” Pork Chop attempted to reassure himself and his friend. The earth shook again, more violently this time.
They both looked up at the volcano, which now seemed quite active. An orange, fiery light emanated from its opening as sparks danced into the air above.
“You don’t think…” Turk started. “No…” Pork Chop interrupted. “The captain said that volcano hadn’t been active for decades.”
Suddenly, they heard a voice nearby. “There they are, maties. There be the pig and turkey that stole our gold.” Turk and Pork Chop turned slowly to see a band of muddy, smelly, angry pirates closing in on them.
Turk and Pork Chop screamed. Outnumbered 10 to 1, the duo dashed off away from the beach and into the jungle, running as fast as their little legs would take them. Alas, it wasn’t far. Turns out pirates are a lot quicker than poultry.
Turk and Pork Chop were surrounded. One of the pirates, presumably the leader, stepped forward and got in their faces. “Our pirate ancestors buried loads of gold on this island years ago.”
“We don’t know anything about gold, Mr. Pirate.” Turk said.
The pirate continued. “Name’s Greenbeard. And I don’t believe you. On the day we return to fetch that treasure, it’s gone. And you’re here. Tell us where you hid it.”
The earth rumbled again, more violently this time, as Turk and Pork Chop pleaded their innocence. They explained the trip, their resort, the excursion, and getting left behind. Greenbeard and his minions didn’t believe a word.
“Throw the pig in the volcano. Then, maybe the turkey will talk.” Greenbeard demanded.
The other pirates tied our heroes to a pole and marched them up the side of the volcano. Everyone could feel the ground shake and quake and the rock was warm all around.
Turk and Pork Chop pleaded for their lives to be spared, swearing they knew nothing of lost treasure.
After a long hike, the summit was reached. “Any last words?” Greenbeard asked Pork Chop, as one of his pirates, standing on the edge of the volcano’s opening, hoisted the pig high in the air. Pork Chop could see lava bubbling and burbling, hotter than fire, far below. He closed his eyes and said goodbye to Turk.
All went silent.
Pork Chop opened his eyes. Greenbeard and the other pirates smiled at him, as his pirate captor let him down easily. Turk was shocked. Pork Chop, relieved.
Greenbeard spoke. “And this concludes your Pirate Adventure excursion. I hope you enjoyed it.”
Turk and Pork Chop were stunned silent as Greenbeard continued. “You two played along masterfully. It’s almost like you didn’t know it was all a game, like you didn’t read the fine print of what you signed or something. Good actors, the pair of you are.”
Turk and Pork Chop giggled nervously. “Uh-huh. Yeah. You all…were pretty convincing, too.”
The pirates sailed the poultry back to their nearby vacation resort and said good night.
“Turk, I think next time we’ll skip the excursion and stay at the resort.” Pork Chop mumbled as he nodded off to sleep that night.
“Good idea.” His turkey friend agreed.
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